honest

some people give me quite a complex. and its so from so far what would it be like if i knew them up close. they are younger than me, much better read (obviously) and clearer expressers of whats within them. and they are bongs! sorry but dschool gave me this idea of a bong which doesnt allow for such appreciation. rather envy. they make me feel my childhood was quite a waste (which it was) and that i'm slow with what i manage(d) to do with my life. slow and lagging behind and panting for no good reason. and the more i peek into them the more such people i find. its like theres this sea of brilliant clones i would have liked to model myself on. and i dont know even one of them personally...? this huge population totally hidden somewhere??? what i'm wondering about is, why dont i feel like this about people i know. and there are and have been so many many they tire me sometimes. often. is the phenomenon similar to 'an audience deserves the art thrown at it'? or is it just familiarity with those i know that makes them ghar ki murgi daal barabar.

(turning up the level of honesty, one person i know gives me a complex about living. till i think of maths. levels out then. grin)