which do i hate more

i wont let them scrap the nuclear deal. nor let them spoil my beauty of marriage. i may not be able to do much for the world, but i refuse to let my world burn down in front of me. the social outcast in a live-in is more honest than a frivolous girl obeying her parents. where are our values? in showing the world a coy face and then sleeping with someone you don't feel for, in appreciation of the person's noble descendence, or his academic qualifications maybe, or what else, your triumph of owning his wealth his success. does the false romance remind you of something in the past with a different face to the figure?
saviours of our traditions claim to denounce love and propogate the idea of a blind date for present youthful needs and future insurance against loneliness. notice companionship comes in only when you are old. not surprising when you have spent your youth trying to convince yourself that this was what you dreamt of. that this is the person. or if he isnt today then he will be tomorrow or it will just take you some time to realise it. how can i forget that while you thus fool yourself, you also get those pleasurable nights that this hypocrite society prefers to call a married life. does a man get so desperate to accept and not look beyond any other similar bred animal who is brought into his cage and locked up with him for life. that wasnt anyone's idea of love. ok you will argue its not "any animal" but "an animal chosen from maybe 10-15 more". great variety of forced choice i call it. and a beautiful vision of mechanising love.
the scene is not very different in politics. the same unreasonable detest for every choice boldly declared. a senseless anti americanism that cares shit about what the deal is about. the only concern itching them is that it is with the country thats infecting people with individualism, thats stealing our sons away from us and is exploiting our foolish vulnerable daughters for who we had ordained the best fate possible - one that sees not much beyond the kitchen and the bedroom.

never let me go

read that book: never let me go. some japanese author cant get the name right now. ok ishiguro. made me weep literally. though thats easy to do. the best thing is you dont pity them - kathy and her friends. you get into her skin and feel her emotions. her pain her hopelessness. you feel the fragility in everything around you. you feel thankful for every breath of those you love. of the existence, the freedom to live with them. the ease with which the characters submit to their fate frightens you. the meaning of love hits you hard in the face. of the importance of every word said, of its effect on today and tomorrow. you want to scream and bring them to life. this life that you are exploiting. you want to rewind the book make it real and snap them out of that nightmare.

knot boom

suddenly there is this flood of people getting married. all around me. what does it feel to have chosen your best bet from the choices offered to you by the marriage market? when you met that person once before your marriage? wouldnt you still be considering your options in the market like after buying a new car? or take another case. you've just emerged from a relationship that didnt work due to unavoidable obstacles - call it caste. and now you are fixed to meet someone, get engaged and seem to be happily married now. which feeling were/are you faking? or the third case, you finished the basic minimum degree you needed to get a respectable job and your possessive girlfriend wants to get married and you can't think of anything you can object to. your life is dead otherwise and you revive it by deciding to tie the knot. or the fourth, no other person will tolerate you and yet worship you this way so it must be love and as neither of you is worth more, do it.
the fifth was a big surprise. a picture of two people smiling and looking really happy - touch wood - in each other's company. they too will soon tie the knot and no, they did not fall in love before the thought crossed them but were fixed to do it, and now feel like they couldnt have asked for more. believable? i've become a skeptic. i haven't seen the beauty of my idea of marriage being realised in any couple. i hope these two do it.

not all posts will be so dreary

a phase in life makes another, gone by, seem like a dream. i'v finally given up refusing to myself to grow up. iv suddenly realised iv grown old. old and useless with wasted dreams of what i could achieve. people who dreamt with me sadden me with their lives, to add to the cheer. these days inspiration comes in brief flashes. from meetings with people who have strived and achieved. who continue to, with the passion and energy that should have been mine. who tell me to fight for it. for a day after that ill feel young and bright. only to realise next morning that there are various types of players in this game and your strategy is played with and against all of theirs. so that after those numerous rebounds from their closed minds, your blow has dissipated all energy. you are reduced to a quitter, wanting to desert. surviving only thanks to your personal support sytem, the people you live on, like a parasite. your temper gets shorter, you can't tolerate good humor at times.
a good story saves me a little. gives me another world to concentrate upon. maybe someday i will write like that and save someone's day.