An excerpt from 'SCHOOL IS A WASTE OF TIME! and other ritings' by William Brown:

What’s wrong with civilizashun

Sometimes you see things in the papers about what’s wrong with civilizashun an’ how it could be put right an’ that sort of thing an’ it seems to me that people that write them are all talking through their hats because they go on an’ on tryin’ to find out what’s wrong with civilizashun an’ what they never seem to see is that civilizashun’s all wrong anyway an’ that nothing will ever be right till we all go back to bein’ savages.
I’ve thought a good deal about this an’ I bet I know more about it than anyone else ‘cause I’ve thought about it more. Ever since I can remember I’ve thought that civilizashun was all wrong an’ I’ve wanted to be a savage. I can never understand how people can go on bein’ civilized when they could so easily turn into savages. If I were the king I’d make everyone stop bein’ civilized and start bein’ savages again an’ I bet we’d all be a jolly sight happier.
Take houses to start with. Savages didn’t have houses. They had caves an’ caves are a jolly sight better than houses any day. You don’t have to wipe your feet before you go into caves an’ there aren’t any ornaments to knock over or carpets to get muddy or things to get sticky if you only jus’ put a finger on them by accident like what there are in houses. The way people fill their houses with things that aren’t any use to anyone an’ that break or get finger marked almost with lookin’ at has always been a myst’ry to me.
Then their food wasn’t dull like what civilized food is – potatoes an’ milk pudding an’ bread an’ butter an’ stuff like that. I bet prehistoric animals tasted jolly good an’ they cooked them themselves over fires an’ I know that stuff you cook yourself over fire tastes better than any sort of food ‘cause I’ve often tried it. I once made...