its not that people forget easily
its just that they don't think back so often
thats what makes it easy to put people off track

simple

there's a pair of mynahs that comes to my terrace to feed on rice sprinkled by my mom and to dip their beaks and drink the water esp put out for them. on days when all of us forget to give them their rice or water, one of the two will come softly, its neck moving in little jerks, to the door of the terrace and peek into the house. without a sound it will just look in. till they get their share

wooing

another populist i-am-your-messiah railway budget by laloo. reducing fares, giving coolies govt employee status, and declaring a 250 billion profit. there are doubts already on how the profit figure had been calculated and whether its a bluff. though the coolies sure are dancing. and yeah the promise to convert four main railway stations to compare with international standards! this is his fifth hare out of the hat. i have just a very basic question. in the last 4 years what did he do to improve safety, cleanliness and conveniences, and punctuality in the railways? its great to have people happy about reduced fares and great to make promises about 'green toilets' and escalators and smart cards; at the same time have even your opponents enjoying themselves as he claims in his 'international' english that he has revolutionised indian railways and is appreciated all over for that. apart from what he shows on paper to have changed the railways from a loss making department to a rollicking earner (which many credit to his enterprising subordiantes and not the man himself), i dont see much either on the stations or in the trains. i would appreciate changes evident to my eyes than a budget that sounds rosy to the ears.
prannoy roy asked him a question: if he was a better CM or RM? what i have to say to that is when he is an RM its a department at his mercy, not people's lives like when he was the CM. in a department at max he can gain popularity for another election to fill his pockets again , in the state he ruled like a demon and slaughtered lives to prosper.

unfathomable (is that a word? barrons only has its antonym)

there are people you think you would have fallen in love with, had something not happened. and when you want to talk to them, you wonder if they knew this. if they thought that you have actually fallen for them even though that something did happen. and there are people who think this about you.
and then sometimes something else happens and you realise why you did not fall for him/her. then you realise that it wasnt that something that stopped it but this something that never showed up then, which if it had right in the beginning you would never have included him/her in the list of those-not-fallen-for-but-could-have, no matter how much you still think of him/her.

phew! eased me out. the best way to enjoy the purgative quality of writing when you are no longer anonymous.

we are all normal

i blog in my head all the time these days. here's one of them before i forget it...

most people have this strange urge to brag about the bad luck they faced.
so the worse luck you have had to your credit the better winner you emerge.
notice it in little things like "oh this is nothing. you got lucky! why when i was there ...." whether things were actually better or worse, 'things' alone know.

most women now, have this thing to feel hurt and actually hate it when boyfriends(for lack of a better word) have fun without them. thats not what they seemed to have promised in the deal right?!!!

p.s. i don't deny self inclusion in the categories mentioned

hit upon some deleted scenes from the movie 'rang de basanti'. will need to watch the movie again to place them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjVwqIO4F_A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBSDUaAYhIE&feature=related

there is a certain 'junoon' in this film

if it's good art the effort doesn't show through

go fly

it was more about the freedom to follow your heart than about special needs:

kholo kholo darwaaze
parde karo kinare
khoonte se bandhi hai hawa
mil ke chudao saare
saare saare …..

aajao patang le ke
apne hi rang le ke
aasmaan ka sham-i-ana
aaj hamein hai sajaana
hai sajaana
hai sajaana

kyon iss kadar hairaan tu
mausam ka hai mehmaan tu
o duniya sajee tere liye
khud ko zara pehchaan tu

tu dhoop hai
chhamm se bikhar
tu hai nadi
o bekhabar
behe chal kahi
udd chal kahi
dil khush jahaan
teri to manzil hai vaheen…

ho…
kyon iss kadar haeraan tu
mausam ka hai mehmaan tu

baasi zindagi udaasi taazi hasne ko raazi
garamaa garam saari abhi abhi hai utaari
oooooooooo
zindagi toh hai bataasha
meethi meethi si hai aasha
chakle rakhle hatheli se dhak le isse
tujh maein agar pyaas hai
baarish ka ghar bhi paas hai
o …roke tujhe koi kyun bhala
sang sang tere aakash hai
tu dhoop hai
chhamm se bikhar
tu hai nadi
o bekhabar
behe chal kahi
udd chal kahi
dil khush jahaan
teri to manzil hai vaheen…

khul gaya …aasmaan ka rasta
dekho khul gaya
mil gaya …kho gaya tha jo sitara
mil gaya
mil gaya
roshan hui saari zameen
jagmag hua saara jahaan
udne ko tu azad hai
bandhan koi ab hai kahaan
tu dhoop hai
chhamm se bikhar
tu hai nadee
o bekhabar
behe chal kahi
udd chal kahi
dil khush jahaan
teri toh manzil hai vaheen…

khoya khoya chand

i dont know why very few people seemed to like the movie 'khoya khoya chand'. its brilliantly made. the only flaw as i saw it was the sudden sympathy that is forced out of the audience toward 'nikhat'. i hated the director then for not leaving my emotions in my control. but i can forgive the movie for that because the complexity in nikhat's character comes out so alive. noone would have thought the daughter of sharmila tagore (the excessively beautiful woman who modeled and showed herself off in most movies even when she was crying) could so naturally mould herself into such an unusual, shaded with negatives character. though i would say her brother has shown some of it in 'omkar' but the woman beats that i would say. its easy to be fully negative than to be so confused as a character and let each strand of that mesh show through.
shiny ahuja convinces you to maintain the 'hazaron...' opnion of him which i had lately begun to abandon thinking it a chance performance. vinay pathak is as usual very good and so is rajat kapoor very convincing.
the sets are beautiful, the cinematography great. the old world music actually sends ur mind into the black n white era. sudhir misra is a genius. most people came off unaffected because they seemed to have failed to understand the nuances in both the story and the characters. which is a shame. the audiences need to evolve to appreciate such art.
the songs bring the characters alive in my mind whenever i listen to the album. from the frustration against the world in the title song to the arrogance in 'khushboo sa' to the uninhibited joy in 'thirak thirak' to the ambition and glamour in 'yeh nigahein' to the sadness and loneliness in 'sakhi piya' they are each beautiful.

remains of the day

a stray bullet hit me in the eye and brought tears
old songs that i loved came alive again
watched a crazy movie and laughed like mad
i set up that fortress around me again
a funny coincidence reaffirmed my faith

a thought (in office again)

life is like snakes and ladders. only with the added confusion that you are allowed to choose between taking or not taking the snake/ladder in front of you unlike the game. the more options you have the worse it gets. to choose and not wonder later whether what you did is what you should have done. add to that, the probability that you could die before the game returns a winner. actually you could die anytime. here you don’t play against an opponent but against time and luck. so you decide between snakes or ladders or neither while you want to make the most of the uncertain number of years or days before you. with the fact that here the path is not simple and straight but has numerous crossroads!!!
when you come to the first ladder, most players want to take it just because of the elevation that comes with it. after reaching the height, often the realization occurs that the option that would have given the max happiness was left behind somewhere, in skipping steps to gain elevation. uff. make the big move and lower yourself and slide down a snake? the others who began with you will get ahead….?! to hell with them. u slide down. some rest and you begin walking. you’ve lost time but you are happy to have given up the unhappy heights. now the walk is so slow it tires you. and you cant keep walking. you take a turn here return turn walk on return walk on turn. you cant see what you came down for. a small square which will please you as you hit it. and there will be a small happy ladder from it. but where is it. and sometimes you get some happy squares without ladders. should you linger there or walk on? options. or walk at the edge of two squares and holiday? the temptation is strong. but what if you die tomorrow. without a single ladder. what percentage of people hit that happy square with the ladder? how many even realise that they’re alive to search for it?

the new may be much better than the old in many ways. but the unfamiliarity and the very fact that it replaces the old and familiar stops me from loving it

a story

a little girl when she was little dreamed once
day by day she grew and so did her dream
she grew awkward
started doubting the beauty and truth within her and her dream
the world did its best to mislead her and confuse
then she grew more
started forgetting her dream
sometimes a flash of something would bring it back
like the first sight of the sea at night
of snow and the gurgling mountain river
like a flock of sheep staring at her innocently
like a starry sky
like early morning dew on flowers
and the crispness in the air
like the azure blue of a clear sky
but slowly the world climate changed
stars wouldnt show at night
the sky turned a permanent grey
beauty was left only in new borns
in those incapable little fingers and bawling new members of this world
she was an adult now
devoid of dreams
this one person came into her life
squirmed his way in
bringing surprising innocence into her life
she marveled at first
at his childish happiness when they were together
she got reckless and carefree
disovered that little girl in her
and they abandoned all care for the future
.......
there were happy days and sad days
both deepening their love

then doubt crept in
the doubt that dreams dont really come true
his innocence couldnt deal with it
and she was in its grip
little nothings hurt her
strengthened and fed the worm

i hope what i imagine is not what happened...

remembering a juvenile obsession

should there be a lunar pattern in the moods of my posts?
i was once told to quit salt once a week so that the moon would not have such control over my mind and would not pull my moods with its journey and revealed shape like it does the salty sea water to create tides. and was told to pamper myself in little ways. i'm a cancerian and there was a time i was obsessed with zodiacs. in short with what linda writes. i still cant refute most of it. this is what she picked up from alice in wonderland for women ruled by the moon:

'echoes fade and memories die
autumn frosts have slain july
still she haunts me phantomwise
alice moving under skies
never seen by waking eyes'

sometimes i feel there is so much in this world to absorb that there isnt enough time to contribute. u either leave behind or u go away rich.

what was mumbai before the so called 'migrants' moved there?
a port for goods moving into the country and a collection of stinky fish markets. raj's claim that migrants have stolen jobs is ridiculous. why are his men targeting the cab wallahs when all they did was satisfy demand in the city through their enterprise. the swamp that was bombay has been built into mumbai. the indian new york. thanks to the migrants. remove the north indian camp of bollywood and the industrialists from there. with the cab drivers, the milk and other vendors. whats left in the place? dirty local trains with fisherwomen. smelly streets. downpours of rain that wont hamper business because the businessmen would have moved! is that the commercial capital of india that raj is so proud of? agreed the infrastructure of mumbai in in doldrums and is hardly enough for half of the people today living there. but does that justify such thanklessness and such community wrath??? the very spirit of the city was in its diversity. and with people like raj inciting communal hatred mumbai's already crippled body will crumble into nothingness. what the city needs is a concerted upheaval, a civic consciousness, a sense of ownership and an influx of investment to improve living conditions that resemble animal keeping! but if people believe some maniac's crazy demands, the city will be severed off from the country in a way that will only probably ease its submergence in rain and the sea.

rant after reading 'the impressionist'

we are all impressionists in some way. people around us things around us make us what we are. a sudden stimulus may dissolve my being into something totally new unrecognisable. i alone will carry the knowledge of my past. of my origin and identity. between the two states does there come a microsecond when i'm nothing? do i see one me leave and another enter. is that audience anything does it have a being? if the people in one act carry on your role to another, what of me who drops them behind?

its when the basics stare at u, that u reveal whats within.

mumbai

in my opinion Mumbai is a cultureless city. a typical case of too many cooks ending up with stone soup. when will the senas stop screaming about its non existant individualistic identity?

not my day

bang ur hand against the table all u want
kick the furniture
swear
get help from others
pray if u want
curse the universe
but sometimes u'll still be stuck
like some amused smile somewhere ordains it
try another day

intimacy breeds discontent
in any murder the first suspect is the spouse/partner

darkness started scaring me recently
i want it like before
when "i cant tell u but i knew it was mine"

this is it
the new yellow runner from fabindia on my bookshelf
sets off my papier mache jewellery box
the unused speakers
and the gifted sea coral
yes a new glass cube of photo frame
holding a 'chomu' photo of years ago
when he didnt know me
the yellow brightens it for some more pleasant days
after which the dreariness will return to this room
will the winter end or will we move out?

its like watching the shattered pieces of your dreams beyond repair. as the realisation sinks in. nothing can bring them together like before again. its not to happen