honesty is a rare quality in us. and without it communication becomes heavy, dragged, and hard. but not just that, it's even more important to be honest with oneself, to question one's own motives, to check oneself. do dishonesty and self-centered-ness often go hand in hand; is there causality in some direction between those two. in my therapy sessions, other ppl sometimes come up. their narrow mindedness, their assumptional attitude about people, ... and the importance of honesty. and sometimes the therapist shares similar stories from her end to illustrate some point. she feels like a kindred soul, an honest one.

dogs have a sense of fairness, they communicate their emotions, and are capable of receiving empathy

Whiskey bit me some weeks ago, one morning when I was getting out for my run and he was sleeping on our staircase blocking my way. on being woken up he lolled around a bit and then when I tried to stroke his head with the hand that also held my big metal key I think I scared him and he jumped at my wrist grabbing it in his teeth for a split second. I calmed him down, surprised, but later when I saw a small bloody scratch on my wrist I got worried. I didn't run that day. instead came home washed it with soap water, went out again, trying to make sure of the identity of the dog. couldn't find him anymore. called my RWA to ask if these dogs were vaccinated, was assured they were. but having a small doubt in my mind as to which dog it was and their vaccination claim, I went and got my first rabies shot that day after a while and after breakfast.

instead of shying away from them, I have been feeding Whiskey and Beauty (also Tutee now) more since then; and because Beauty doesn't quite relish these doggie cookies, I started ordering some soup bones (of goat) to give to them. they realise its precious and valuable as soon as they smell it or touch it, and they gobble it up.

I'm getting into the habit of taking a few bones to them after a long day of teaching. the last time I took 5 bones for the three dogs. I found them kinda all together (they are friends and have proprietor-rights on this lane, not allowing other strays to venture here). Whiskey was fast and got two, one after another, the second of which was a meatier one that Beauty rejected so I pointed it out to him. And Beauty had finished her first so I dropped a second in front of her when Whiskey was busy a lil way ahead (to avoid attracting his attention cos he seemed to be very excited by everyone's bones). Beauty had just begun cracking hers, when Whiskey suddenly growled and attacked her mouth, and she being the sensible peacemaker, dropped it reflexively. It was gone in seconds, while I was trying to scold him and order him to drop it. 

I was still scolding him when he was done with it and smacking his lips around his mouth. Beauty was now to my right and facing him, she let out two angry short barks straight at him, one after another. these startled me, but he avoided her glance and kept slowly wagging his tail and looking at me appeasingly.

I ignored him, telling him he was a bully and that he stole her bone. he eventually left, leaving me consoling Beauty stroking her and talking to her crouching on my haunches. she moved in and sat between my legs as if she was hugging me. I hugged her back and gave her a few belly rubs. Tutee was on the side, also getting a few.

and then I came back home, took two big bones from the freezer, and went back again. the bully was still not back. and I watched over Beauty and Tutee till they finished eating theirs, ushering them away from the road when a car approached. 

I met the two another morning, and later Whiskey on his own atop a car. of course he ran to me when he realised it was me, and of course I wasn't mad anymore. and as usual he kept following me till I gave him a nice side belly rub.

usually the rains dry up by September and you get this second summer for a couple months before it starts to cool down. but this year it's pouring almost every other day, and some days the clouds burst for a few minutes in between blue skies and sunshine in small pockets, every now and then. is this still monsoon? rain is dripping down our kitchen exhaust hole and it's about 8 in the morning but it's dark and secretive. and on the few mornings when I don't have to teach and the skies are not weeping, I run and smile at the glistening leaves avoiding the lil pools collected in the tiny park within my block. I haven't gone out to the bigger park in almost a month now, partly cos of the rain and because our old car, as old as our marriage and a hand me down gave up on us. also running on the street within my block is easier when the world is soaked. so we got a new car. 

they sprayed against mosquitoes one day, this after almost a year or maybe more cos they had been busy with the pandemic. I've been reading Rachel Carson's Silent Spring. so of course I got worried about what was in their spray, and for the birds. calls were useless, no one could tell me what they were spraying. in this world of ours we trust others for so much. I trust and hope that Carson has changed the world enough that my neighbor birds won't be hurt too much now by this fumigation. although our window spider/s did die. 

we get to see school pics of our nephew in amrika who has just started school. lil kids in colorful masks all day, playing around and learning with picture books, wooden blocks, craft dough, beads, paints and pipettes. I wonder what kind of ppl we would have been if we had had that. not the masks but the freedom of such schools. and the company of lil ppl from different cultures and of parents from around the world. even now even in my adult world I do miss that, hearing of stories from across the world, from countries I have to look up on the map. 

last two three weeks had been nuts. and one day we had my cousins over and we had this argument with them. it's hard to explain. but conversations like that highlight my feeling like an alien here. ppl don't understand that stereotypes lead to prejudice, which can lead to fear of certain ppl. and that the fear makes the fearful feel like a victim, but the fear itself is not just a passive victim emotion, and that it is guilty of hurting those against whom it's targeted. and that ridding oneself of such fear is one's problem to own accept and control. then a friend of his visited from amrika. felt godsent. someone from home. who understands how this home country can feel alienating now. although to be fair, after these many years I'm finally finding my balance. I love that we don't put down stray dogs here as they would in the west. I love that my critter-phobia that had developed there is fading away and I'm learning to accept myself as an animal sharing this earth with all these others. 

and yes I am excited to belong to the frontier pushing institute in Indian academia/education. even as I realise the nature and construct of my particular perspective. 

I got a new beautiful sleek smooth powerful computer; my old one was more than 10 yrs old and sputtered with online teaching the first day. the efficiency of this university is impressive and my second day of teaching was on the new one. and so is the effort to build institutions within it that protect freedoms while ensuring everyone feels safe. at the same time something of the commercialization of education is being imported from the west, partly I feel because of its high price/cost. 

and I'm teaching something new, which means I'm learning and sharing what I'm learning with my students. the online platform is also a big change. I no longer have to notice students pouring in late or leaving early. and I'm learning how to imagine their presence while I share with them my screen my thoughts and my scribbles. I'm still formulating the difference between these Indian students who are very aware of the world outside and are continuously looking toward the west, and those my past students across the globe.