two things I have realised in the last few months and been very surprised with. first, people have very shallow memories, especially when it comes to conversations, words said and heard and their conveyed meaning. they forget so much so easily. when for me it's all still so visible and audible and real. for example some ppl who interviewed me on skype had no recollection 4 months later of how bad the connection had been, how we kept losing each other and then ended up having a no video, them typing their questions (cos I couldn't hear them) and me talking my answers aloud kind of an interview. and I can think of so many examples of so many ppl forgetting so many things in such short durations of time. I have been blessed/cursed with remembering other ppl's words.

and while I keep obsessing over and over again about what I said or how I said it.

second, ppl don't have half as keen a sense of outrage as I do. they are just told they can't do or get something, and they listen nod and move on to (settle for) what else is possible. and they probably soon forget. whereas I get all outraged and keep asking why, keep trying to show them they are wrong for blocking my way, keep falling against their walls and keep picking myself up. but why not? how dare they? f them, I'm going to get not just that but something better.