rebirth

I'm back here, after ranting aimlessly and complaining endlessly about a sudden turn of events (and location) in my life. with an epiphany of sorts. I don't have to be here. and I don't have to be a star either. I can just be. even within my average (lack of) achievements and my average constraints, I can still choose, quite a lot. and I can still do, quite a lot.

as I understand myself better, and this world, as I grow older, many things become clearer.
1. It never makes sense to do something for the sake of doing something, despite what they tell you.
2. All those "someday I will ... " , what day are they waiting for? Don't expect life and time to be patient with you.
3. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, even if just to prove you to yourself. But you must have patience with life.
Do (1) and (3) seemingly contradict each other? Or do (2) and (3) do so? But if they do, then they must only for those who don't really understand, and that shouldn't stop you from writing them.

some words emerge out of the chaos between what I've been taught and told, and what I've managed to forget and unearth. privilege. access. sharing. time. effect.

there are many trade-offs in life. but one will always be in some form, in many different scenarios, that to change yourself or not. some vices are dear, and would alter one's character too much. what is the story one wants to leave behind, even if one leaves no one to remember.