'One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter"

i wouldn't have expected an ex-chief of Shin Bet (the Israeli internal intelligence agency) to quote that.

maybe this is just my impression but i think a lot of people with absolutely no connections with the middle east, feel something about the Israel-Palestine issue. and I don't know why. at least i always have. more than i feel about the North-East of India, or for that matter, more than what i feel for Kashmir. i don't know why. maybe for me, its easier to have an opinion about a region that i'm alien to, than to say something about people who are fighting occupation by my own country. maybe because of the religious legend of the Kingdom of David, of an inability on my part to denounce their occupation that's based on their belief, and yet because i know its wrong. maybe because somewhere deep down there's a belief that in the resolution of the Israel-Palestine issue, lies the beginning to the larger Islamic issue in the entire world today. i don't know. maybe because there's some hope that there will be a resolution to this, unlike what i feel about the Kashmir issue for example. i don't know. all i know is that the words Israel and Palestine generate a lot of thought in people, and in me.

so I went to see this documentary today. a completely un-hyped and yet brilliantly shot movie, 80% of which is just interviews - of some of the ex-chiefs of the Shin Bet. some 4-5 of them. i don't know what i had expected, i had gone simply out of curiosity. but this was better than anything i hoped to see and learn and know. this was honest. and although there wasn't a single Palestinian's version in the entire film, it seemed to tell the tale from both sides. rather, these guys interviewed honestly admitted to their being mindless and cruel at times, admitted that they knew a killing by them set off a retaliation by Hamas and yet what were they to do when the threat of a retaliation was always real, but there never was an inherent promise of armistice (intertwined with the threat) in case of no targeted killing, admitted that morality was forgotten in their goal to protect their peoples. and they talked not just about Fatah and Hamas, but also about the Jewish underground that killed Palestinians. and they talk about uncovering them as well, but how that was futile in the end cos they were all acquitted. they talk about their misjudgments and how one miscalculated and failed operation made them guilty and restrained the next time, resulting in another failed operation simply because it was overcautious. its so honest that they talk about one of their own as if he was a tyrant. you know they aren't scripting their dialogue when the oldest ex-chiefs contradicts himself by first saying there is no morality in such a war against terrorism, and then an hour later denounces someone else's decision to bomb a target in a populated urban neighborhood (only because it actually killed innocents and the target escaped unscathed).

quite a few of these chiefs resigned, one because of some unethical killings of captured 'terrorists', another because Rabin (probably the only Israeli Prime Minister who strove for a solution) was assasinated. and when he says he took the decision to resign after consulting his wife, i suddenly felt how human he was just like you or me. that invited a question to him by the interviewer about what the wife says to him. and his reply, without a thought, and a slightly embarassed laugh, was strangely stirring. he said, "she keeps me alive".

this is one regional issue, where the occupied are not just fighting the regime, but they are just as much fighting the people of the 'other side' who encroach and illegally settle. i was surprised to hear these guys admit that the settlements were a breach of trust, just as Hamas' attacks were.

the movie combines interviews, history, pictures from major events, security videos, to tell a cohesive story, one that everyone needs to know. especially those living in the region, so that the Palestinians know that Shin Bet is human too, that it understands when they are wronged; and that the Israelis know that a balanced version of the issue is so crucial that even their 'Gatekeepers' don't shy from it. that everyone knows that these people who are given the responsibility to take a blind side in a war, find it impossible to do so. and that each of them have the same last words - cooperation, talks, efforts to a solution.

it was a humbling moment when the credits came up with a sombre background music to it. i felt like i had shared something humane with the other 4 people in the audience. and my only self-reaction to the documentary was a wistful sigh.

here's the trailer

its been quite some time since i was alone like this for a full week. the first two days were great, spreading my wings and feeling all that space around me. and now slowly its getting to me. more so, because school is out and there's not much to do. not much routine that is. i can for sure think of at least 3 things to do that were waiting for exactly such time on hand. but after a full semester i've never been known to myself to be able to continue to work. no, not even learn latex, for which i never before seemed to have the time. i'm simply not inspired to work these days. blame it on the weather, warm and humid, or whatever; its actually just me. and i do love the mornings and evenings, its the afternoons when i shut out every dot of natural light, and stay cooped up in my artificial weather. and get drowsy after lunch, tired of watching movies, sitcoms, trying to read academic papers, or Fuchsia Dunlop's memoir, or playing wordruggle, or checking my email continuously waiting to hear from the elusive Canadian consulate.

and for the last 2 days, at exactly the same time in the afternoon, no matter where i sit in this apartment, with whatever to do in hand, i eventually find myself dozing. with nightmares. and i literally have to drag myself up after more than an hour only to feel disgusted with myself, with a horrid aftertaste in my mouth of sleeping after a meal. today - with a lot of fig-seeds stuck all around my teeth and gums. ugh.

not that i haven't been getting out. yesterday inspired by a movie in which a writer takes a break in a country-house in France where she goes shopping with a pretty basket for food, i set out early morning with my cotton environmentally-friendly, 'love the earth' shopping bag and got some good stuff from my favorite farmers' market. but the trip back made me feel so like a coolie, it totally deflated my spirit, that was already puzzling over why a Texan law stopped me buying alcohol (just some cider!) on a Sunday morning.

its not been all bad though. the morning runs have been great, given that without hubby, i can actually get out even before the sun (thanks to the naps in the afternoons). and with the delayed spring the new route runs parallel to the wildflowers in purple, yellow, pink, and the single-petaled red poppies.

and then this is the only time i've been alone when i'm actually inspired by food. i bought Brussel sprouts for the first time in my life, hoping i could do something with it to change the impression i've been given of it being typical 'eat these if you want to ...' veggies. and i got some beautiful tangy sun-dried tomatoes, to die for. its been a cooking binge as well - with some Middle Eastern shakshuka, Moroccan style eggs, an original multicultural dahi-baingan recipe, and today, still licking my fingers with this



a recipe from Hunan province of China, penned down by Dunlop here.



of course i altered it a lil to make do with what i had - not pork stomach, but tiny pork stew pieces from god knows what part of the body. and disobeyed the author and added salt much before it should have been added to suit my Indian palate. in fact, the picture on the cover happens to be the same dish, although mine looks much different; i added different greens to garnish and my star anises are lost underneath somewhere cos mine seemed to be only broken pieces (bought some years ago from Crawford market in Bombay). but the result was a yummy hot and sweet slow-cooked pork dish with caramelized sugar, chili and soy sauce leading the flavors. which i ate to accompany a documentary about adopted Chinese girl-children around the US and the world. the movie made by a woman who herself adopted a lil infant girl, made for her new daughter, for when she grows up and has questions, many of which will go forever unanswered.

all in all its been quite a Chinese day. that's what i like about this country, the melange of people, of customs, of cuisines, of cultures. i think i'm losing my knack of whipping a quick Indian dish that is also scrumptious. or maybe those skills are just lying low for a while cos it has been some time i really wanted to cook some Indian fare. but even if its withering away, in its place is coming a wide range of lip-smacking flavors. i'm rethinking whether my call in life is to explain pricing dilemmas in little-informed markets, or to host a little cottage with cusine-of-the-day. but for that i will have to learn how to sweeten the tongue after a hearty meal, and i still do not even have the faintest idea how they make either a bread pudding, crunchy golden palmiers, or the stick-to-your-teeth&gums (so you can enjoy the taste for a long time) baklavas.

a piece about writing

it's see through. you can tell if its honest. and that is its appeal, that's when its good. so blatantly true that it has no regard for sentiments, one's own and of those who will read, of those who have been written about, of those who may take offence, of how important and how fragile they are.

I know what I need to bring in and yet its not easy. anonymity helps but is sacrificed to human society. and its made worse by the unsaid norms of human society itself. by definitions of what is ugly, disgusting, humiliating, rude, unacceptable.