friends and family are falling sick now. both of us had dreams about it one night, especially after hearing of my cousin who had a bad bout of sickness and another old acquaintance/friend whose family of 5 all fell sick and whose husband is in the hopital now; she herself has to stick her head in the O2 concentrator they've got home every now and then when she feels dizzy or gets splitting headaches. his cousin has quarantined her husband alone at their home while she moved in with her mom for a few days. he seems to be ok though after a few days of fever. my cousin has had fever since April 7-8 alongwith intermittent splitting headaches, weakness, runny tummy, diminished appetite and loss of the sense of taste/smell; for the last 2 days now though the fever is low-grade and the other symptoms seem to be gone and we are all breathing in relief. i was also getting worried for his brother who took him for a ct scan, and was in general tending to him through a window to the quarantined room. another cousin of mine lost his sense of taste and smell, got tested, was positive, and then his 3 yr old daughter came down with fever. this morning i heard she is better. a friend i was texting with regularly suddenly said she was also down with fever. thankfully she also seems to be much better today. i told my sister not to go into a hospital with my mom or my father on their day of second vaccine shot. people are scared to go into docs' clinics and hospitals. there's a drive through testing tent on my way to the borrowed office where i stare afraid at the line of cars each day. 3 weeks ago there used to be none and i wondered if the tent was in use. my dad is wearing double masks. he and sis are still going to banks and registrars offices as her flat purchase is coming through. thankfully my parents moved apartments before this fire got wild. and we took a break out of the city and this apartment. he even went and stayed with his parents for a couple days around holi without getting tested, while i got some alone time to heal too. therapist told us we are a rare couple (amongst her clients) who have mutual respect for (and don't bicker about) each other. i am learning to be less angry, more considerate, and to understand his vulnerabilities. and vice versa. a worksheet the therapist gave me to check on my anxiety levels made me anxious because i didn't think till then that i had anything to worry on that respect. i am back to myself now as i realize it was just a routine check on her part and not an indication that i too had clinical problems. when you start worrying about your worries it can get tricky and you fall into a loop. but i've been there and through before, i trust my body to wade me through the worry now again. i have shaky hands, the only symptom on the worksheet that really applied to me but i am not bothered because i know my mind and my body steadies them when i need them to be so. in fact its amazing what our bodies are capable of: moving period dates around to ease schedules, burn us up to disintegrate viruses, run for miles without needing to stop, figuring out when they need sleep, food, and water, and demanding and delivering these to the self, excreting unwanted bacteria through acnes and blackheads, and in so many ways, healing and taking what's needed from the atmosphere to do just that. but then again, viruses are also nature, and as i've said before if one has evolved to replicate using our energy while sometimes disintegrating us, then that's nature too, and was probably needed. because nature is a self-regulating body too. and we are part of the food chain. and human intellect is part of nature too. yes that same one that invented science and logic. and when fighting a wildfire knows that sometimes the best strategy is to create a controlled line of fire a lil way off to burn the grass or the vegetation out and create a fuel-less barrier to the spreading flames; just like instilling controlled sickness in the form of immunization can eliminate numbers for possible future infections, or at the very least reduce viral loads in case of infections. this virus has made us philosophical. i have thought of my death, and of those close to me, and am no longer surprised or stunned by much. its natural that i am living now, and natural that i will die someday. and your life will go on. or vice versa.