Somedays this life is just too much work to live. I am a misfit, I still don't know my work or place here. 

plumber was supposed to come this morning, said around 9:30/10. my pot cistern has been overflowing, so I've been controlling it through the open/close switch/lever on the inlet pipe rather than call a plumber, cos it's too much work esp now. but this week one day i forgot to close it after peeing when I was sleepy and water ran for about 40 mins before I heard it. so I decided to get it done.

dreamt of pots and crap and the latter spilling and overflowing and me carrying it and what not. woke up 4 times during the night for various reasons of controlling temperature and one of us going to the loo. then at about 6 he goes again. this time it's a bit much and cos the sun has started to creep out and I can see its bright outside of my eye mask I find it harder to slumber off again. think I'll get up to throw in the laundry before the plumbers visit blocks that bathroom. and then I want to pick up my bed stuff and get a few hours on the sofa. but my bed stuff includes my phone and somehow the bad dreams tell me I shud look at what's waiting on my phone for me. of course, rejection email from yet another journal. I doanage to give it one full reading, debate whether I shud wake him up but he isn't responding anyway. sofa then, try some sleep. dunno why wake up v happy and contented, although remember the email. kinda feeling like not giving a f about it. 

laundry is calling out. dryer, some on the rack, morning stuff. breakfast and complaining to k. bell rings, plumber is early. but of course. 

cut short and fast fwd. finally have a working flush. it's just 10 in the morning and I'm exhausted of the effort it takes to live this life. k is upbeat goes out to get our fav pizza. I've said to myself before, every rejection has got to be celebrated or else it gets to you. might as well. 

I'm looking at job postings. Facebook is looking for someone to help with it's forthcoming payments app, waiting to show up on ur whatsapp as well. aarghh. I'm also still too idealistic. 

oh well let's see how this day goes. I'm becoming superstitious too. and more defiant. slowly feels like I've disconnected from this world. it began with the work without a job, then covid and associated isolation, now I'm not even talking to mom in law for something she said. had an argument with sis cos of her messed up love life, now staying out of that too. what's left then? k and pizza and my unsellable equations, and running. missing the swimming too big time.