been almost a year I've been jobhunting. I started my first application sometime in end of July 2019, but really I started out much earlier because around now last year I sent my job market paper to my erstwhile advisor and asked him if he would still write a letter of recommendation for me. he took about a month to read it and write back etc. etc. And then I needed two more ppl like him. In a way I'd been ashamed to ask my professors from 4 yrs ago (last year) to write letters for me, still, for an entry level academic job. but they are all I had, cos I wasn't going to ask my last boss for a letter, not after all that had happened at that place. 

and here I am, still jobless, now wondering if I will have letter writers for another season of the market. 

funny world academia, you could spend a lifetime hopping from one entry level job to another, and if you're lucky you will not land one that will further cripple you from moving to better jobs by sucking all your time. there are some jobs I interviewed for 5 years ago where they wanted me to give up research and simply teach. is that why I did a PhD???! do those ppl forget what it takes, what it involves, both in terms of time effort perseverance, and loans of money, in my case possibly forgiven by now but not forgotten by me (and years of your best alternative salaries being given up). aaahhh. sunk cost! move on. 

but I can't. my savings lasted for about two years and a lil more, and now I'm living on borrowed money from k. I still can't believe these are the choices I made in my life. but I still can't make a U-turn. I am not even asking for a recouping of the financial costs, just compensation for research that I have continued to do, and want to do till I tire of it. huh. who am I fooling, the fables of Harvard grads and young academics with godfathers can fir bhi sell, who's going to buy mine, unless I sell it off with author rights; maybe the buyer will succeed at publishing my work better than I ever seem to.