do i believe in coincidences?

when all of a sudden a random stranger's words make me forget those angry tears i was fighting to hide, de-redden my nose, and bring a smile to my face; then yes I believe it was a sign.

lately i've been reminded of my own adage over and over again. money does not matter as much on the positive scale as it does on the negative. beating your head against the lack of it, and against bureaucratic walls, gives you an extreme sense of futility. knowing how hard you tried, and how long you could go on without budging a stone from its place, gives you perspective.

and then you're waiting for the elevator after crossing the entire campus walking super fast because you cannot bare to spend another minute there with those people. one of the two elevators is out of order and it is news to you because this is not your building. the other arrives, two people get out. one remains. a brown man, and like all brown men, he smiles at you because you're brown too. you notice the elevator is going up rather than down. just like everything else in the world right then. you still ask, by habit "you're going up?" with a face that says the rest "not what I want". he replies "eventually it will go down". you smile politely, shaking your head to show "no, I'd rather wait". and then quick as lightning before the doors close in on your face, he says, "it's the only one!". and in a microsecond of a flash, you know he's right while you're already in, smiling at him, hiding your face at the same time. while he is still saying something, "you control your destiny"; gesturing with his hand as if the elevator buttons are the controls. before he exits on 4, he goes again, unasked, "If you keep 3 pressed continuously, it won't stop there, when you're going down to 2". it takes you a minute to get it, crane your neck out after him to thank him for the tip.

of course a girl steps right in, presses 3, and you have to wait for another opportunity to try it out.

maybe it works. you can press something avoidable out. but if its a Shabbath 'lift', it will stop at each level when going down, no matter what.