touch wood

being human, i often notice the green grass far away. often think some ppl have had all the goodies. but once in a while, some stories heard, make me stop and think. and smile and treasure the people i've known. the people i have in my life. not quantity but quality. the ones who make you close your eyes and smile and send a quiet thanks to the (questionable) creator.

coming from small towns and segregated gender-wise from society my age, in general till teen age and even after, i always had trouble with friendships with the opposite sex. was all fun and comfort with a crowd but could never really single out a guy and be real friends alone. till the time that it happened and the friend insisted he was something more. i let him have his way cos even i was having trouble stopping him there.

since then men ceased to be 'the opposite sex' to me. it was sex that became irrelevant in that phrase with anyone else, therefore rendering the phrase useless. men were people, just like women were..? not quite, though. they are often easier companions and conversationalists than the fairer sex. so now i had the friends i had never been comfortable to have had before. and yet there was a limit to the intimacy and the exclusivity of such friendships. they were still better in crowds, although not impossible alone. the one or two who were thick and good alone, often made me feel guilty imagining they were falling for me. and there must have been something to suggest this to my imagination. and QED, because these don't last. distances usually kill these because it gives the guy the opportunity to rid himself of the habit of me.

but once in a lifetime does a friend like you come along. and it doesn't get affected by how long it will last. not even when while you decide on that one wish to use when blowing that candle in front of you, you look me in the eye and give me the illusion that you are wishing for us to be known to each other forever. a friendship like yours which illustrates the true meaning of Platonic-ism: not the non-existence of attraction, but rather the conscious realization that there is something higher than sex here which can at no cost be sacrificed to physical attraction. a super-physical connection of being known through aeons. an empathy, a tenderness, a comfort, a take-for-grantedness, like "i am bored and i hate the world, so i walked in here" and "i always have time for you". and the affectionate teasing like "you are spending the only 15 mins you have free in the day with me, i am honored".

not everyone gets what i have. all that i have..