funny feeling

its a funny feeling. comes to me when i get home after a party. but not after all parties...?

like a scramble of post-multi-person-conversation loneliness, longing for some other people i want around me, philosophical musing about the meaning of it all, of the memory of the solitude while smiling and listening to people laughing around me, and of holding on to this night, not wanting it to end, just like this, alone. of wanting to freeze this moment as it is, for what reason, god knows. for a reasonless desire to halt life, time, thought, everything. its not happiness its not sadness. its a strong nostalgia for the present moment, and a strange curiosity for it. and that is the feeling itself. its a funny feeling for the funny feeling. and i'm not even drunk. it usually comes to me when i haven't drunk. maybe that's just it.