there were nights in dschool when i would keep myself awake. like a solitary celebration of time on hand. the night after a major hurdle of an exam of sorts. i would rudely shake myself out of any hint of sleep that touched me. it would more often than not begin with some music while i could disturb the human co-habitants. after lights in rooms quit one by one, i would turn to some form of silent entertainment. reading. sometimes simply waxing my limbs leasurely, especially in slightly cold months when i loved warm wax on myself. staring at the moon from my balcony or just the sky from my bed upward. the moon i never tired of. when it showed on that side of the sky that is. and then creeping down to the ground floor to watch tv at 2-3 in the night when the socio-geog buffs finally left it alone. once i remember tired of it all and yet resolute on not sleeping i just slipped between the locked with a wide gap gate that supposedly shut out the terrace to us. and i just sat up, lay down, surrendered to the mosquitoes and nursed my bruises waiting for the sun to rise. and i did manage it. it was like a new beginning. like a maturity crossed. like i was there before the world began.
today i sort of feel like that. like forcing a jagran on my senses. like celebrating this leave i have with such difficulty weedled out of my boss. my boss who has given me a conviction in the soul's survival and rebirth after a body's death. because in no way can he be a one-time creation. nothing can ever produce as debased an output as him. nothing other than, a chain of deterioration.
but a night up cannot be accomodated in this busy schedule. its funny when i was in dschool i thought i had never been as busy as that and never used time better. i still think i was right and yet time flies by now. doing nothing of great value. while the great valued things wait for my laziness to wear off. have to do so much before i see that proof of rebirth again...
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